Quit Expecting Too Much of Me

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Schools LOVE to come up with special little days to challenge my organizational/parenting/paying attention skills. Crazy Hat Day, Nutty Sock Day, you name it, best believe, I’m not prepared for it.

There are multiple reasons for this particular failure.

a.       I couldn’t be bothered to go through the kid’s folder to check in advance for these kinds of things
b.      The kid didn’t remind me. I mean, I went to 5th grade already. Do YOUR part.
c.       I don’t feel like running around everywhere the night before trying to create this required “Wacky” outfit so I’m trying to create it at home---only about 32% successful at any given time.

So, we land in a place of mutual annoyance and borderline contempt over socks. Damn socks. Evidently, being the ONLY kid without the fun outfit of the day is damaging to their psyche (so I’ve heard) so here I go, racing to Walmart at 10 pm, completely against my will so my kid won’t hate me forever. Too. Much.
 
Let’s all pause here and have a moment of silence for the poor parents who have been told that it’s their kids’ turn to bring in the treats the NIGHT BEFORE. I promise you this bulletin wasn’t shared at a decent hour, you know like, right after school/work OR, I don’t know, while standing in an actual grocery store. Oh nooooo, I typically got this news after I’d taken my bra off, changed into my pajamas and had started my glass of wine.

Them:  Ohhhhhh, Mom.  (You can sense the bullshit coming, can’t you?)
Me:  Yes? *through clenched teeth*
Them:  Um, tomorrow is the blankety blank party and I’m supposed to bring in treats.
Me: WHAT??? It’s 9:30 pm!!! You must like to hear me cuss! How many kids are in your class?
Them: 25
Me: GOTDAMNIT! Now I can’t even buy 4 six packs of cupcakes!!! 25 kids makes me have to buy 5 six packs!!!!! Somebody ain’t  getting a damn cupcake! I’m tired of buying these damn treats! Where are my shoes??? I’m going to the store JUST like this too! Do they sell cupcakes at Dollar General?! You REALLY couldn’t have told me this earlier??? This is the shit I’m always talking about! HAND ME MY KEYS!!!!
 
Finally, there’s another area where I feel too much pressure is placed on us poor parents. It’s this Tooth Fairy Nonsense. My first issue with this is a pretty big one. I don’t ever, ever, ever have any cash. I mean like NEVER. I don’t ever have a stray dollar, quarter, shit, not even a dime in a coat pocket or junk drawer. I just don’t. And I can’t predict the exact moment the kid’s gonna lose that tooth. Ok, yes, I might have a heads up if the tooth is loose but now you’re asking me to remember that once I’m not looking at the kid and THEN you’re asking me to remember to go to the ATM. You’re setting me up for failure. The second issue I have with this is that I honestly NEVER remembered to put the money under their pillow while they slept. Either I had fallen asleep right after they did, but before the money slip or I just flat out forgot to do it. More than one time, the very forlorn, disappointed kid came to me and said that the Tooth Fairy didn’t come, only for their raggedy mother (me) to race to MY PURSE and hand the kid a dollar (please Lord, let me have grabbed a dollar and not a $20 because I probably forgot to get change) and tell them this half-baked story about how the Tooth Fairy asked me to hold the money for them because they are a wild sleeper. I might have to go to hell for that one.
 

Comments

  1. Yolanda ANovember 5, 2018 at 6:37 AM

    Totally sense the bullshit 😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownNovember 5, 2018 at 6:49 AM

    All I can say is I LOVE YOU😘😘😘😍😍😍😍🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownNovember 5, 2018 at 7:07 AM

    Please stop writing about my life it's getting creepy now lol

    ReplyDelete

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